The choices we do not choose....journal 9/19/2020

In life we are often faced with choices we do not choose.   I realize this sounds odd but for example, you may be given choices like mine,  to treat your illnesses with medical science , natural therapies or just let nature take course.  These are not choices we wish to choose, We CHOOSE  to have healthy bodies!


The other day I was watching our three grandkids playing when the one year old discovered my hand weights and was determined to get them out.  She strained and pulled at the 5lb weights and could barely get them off the ground.  The “Protector” 5 year old jumped in and with ease lifted and swept them away stating he would put them somewhere safe.  “Wee One” crumpled in a heap of tears and would not be consoled even when “Protector” handed her the 2lb weights.  These she handled with ease but they were not her choice.  She was then offered a toy, followed by another toy and was equally unimpressed with the choices before her.  She wanted what she could not have and was going to need to come to terms with it.


The “Thinker” four year old suddenly decided to give his two cents and said “she is going to have to learn about those big weights just like I did when I dropped them on my toe”.  The Protector pointed out he did not want her to get hurt and the Thinker repeated, “she will figure it out and she will get bigger and stronger like me”.  The Protector relented and said “well just stand really close so she knows we will help her if she wants”.


I could have intervened at any time but I was getting a glimpse into problem solving, growth, and the opportunity to see the various stages we go through as humans faced with choices we do not choose.  


Wee One was given choices she did not choose, she would have to learn to confront the formidable choice at hand and how she would get through it.  Would she allow her “Protector” to watch over her, lending her strength when she needed it most, knowing he was right there for her to lean on?  Would she listen to the “Thinker” who had gone before her, paved the way and knew she would encounter some pain but would be strengthened and grow because of and in spite of it all?


Ultimately she realized “Protector” and “Thinker” were there and she faced those weights with everything she had in her, she strained, she grew red faced, she cried out and she moved those weights.  Satisfied, she stood up and with a big sigh toddled off to the next step of the life unfolding before her.


My survivor day comes September 28, it is a day I did not choose.  I still face every moment of these last 16 years with some fight, red faced, straining against the choices forced on me because of this day I did not choose.  I cling to the knowledge that I have God as my Protector, and I am thankful for all the Thinkers that with their example of strength paved  the trails I now navigate. I know because of this I have the best choice in the world.  I get to choose and in spite of anything that comes my way, will always choose to live each day like the best day of my life!












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What a wonderful way to describe life with cancer.
I always wait for your journals. They are so profound & put into words so eloquently what we think & feel but you know how to express them for us. Thankyou
Wonderful story!
Love this! Love you, my friend! ❤
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Vital Info


August 29, 2009


Cancer Info

Colon and Rectal Cancer

September 28, 2004

Stage 3C

4.1 - 5.0 cm


That affects more than just me.

That I have more strength than I ever imagined.

left with mild neuropothy, balance and memory issues

Cedar Sinai in Beverly Hills California


Write things down, play memory games and games that make you think quickly

Since the first and 1 recurrence I have lived no evidence of disease


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