Larissa's Cancer Blog

Whoosh...journal November 14 2020

 

 

This year has not been the year many of us were hoping for.  Not only facing a world wide pandemic and political upheaval many of us add our own health and mental crisis, employment loss, isolation anxiety, childcare issues and educational concerns for our kids and grandkids.  There are so many worries in our world it is impossible to truly list or wrap our minds around the enormity of it all.

 

I have mostly been quiet, tip toeing around 2020 in hopes it would not take a huge bite out of our family as I watched it sink it’s teeth in again and again.  I recently dodged and missed, finding myself in a dermatology office shaking like a leaf and realizing how much emotion I had been bottling up and needing most desperately to relax and trust God and the hard earned skills of this doctor.

 

I let my mind go to the 3 little boys that sit at makeshift desks in my house a couple days a week.  One loves to tell me “you’re not a real teacher” but still trusts and allows me to guide him through the 3 1/2 hours without complaint.  This has been my way to bring back some “normal” to these little guys.  Pouring into their minds all the things littles should be thinking about and not the worries of this world.

 

As the doctor made that first cut into my skin I went back to those tiny 4 year old fingers gripping the pencils as their entire bodies work to shape letters out of those wiggly marks.  I cheer them on and rejoice with them as the wiggles become the letters they hoped they would be.  They smile with delight as the breath they were holding whooshes from them and in that moment I trust and allow the breath I am holding whoosh from me.  

 

The doctor soon tugs the last stitch into place and I am able to leave with a calm mind and confidence that no matter what is to come God is in control.  I trust him to guide me as these wiggly lines of life become straighter paths leading to better things in the days that have yet to be lived.

 

Let’s quit holding our breath my friends and hit the last of 2020 with all the force we have created within us.  Living each day like the best day of your lives, no wiggly lines or shadows to fear.  Whoosh!

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I love your words and how you tell a story. Thank you for putting your life on "paper" for us all.

Blessings,
Linda
Agreed. I’ve been going with the flow because life would be too hard to maneuver by going against it, thus swimming up stream. I hope all goes well with your derma test. Blessings. I’ll bet you’re an amazing teacher.
2020 has been a pain all year. Let's just kick it in the ass on it's way out the door & say "Good riddance!"
Well said! Love you, Larissa!
Beautiful message, yes, 2020 will go down in history. For me, it is also the year I found out I had cancer.
So , yes, we must stay strong, and no “ wiggly lines”. Hope all is well with your bx.
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Sweet 16.....journal 9/28/2020

Sweet 16...journal September 28, 2020

 

 

Sweet sixteen is a term used to refer to a child maturing into a young adult. A party is often thrown to celebrate all of their past accomplishments and give them warm wishes as they turn the page to a new chapter of their life.

 

Today, I celebrate 16 years of survival.  I don’t need a party or celebration to mark the gift that today is.  I have been given 5843.87519 days to unwrap and celebrate since that first September 28 that marked a new beginning in life for me.  

 

I have thanked God for each and every one of those days by doing my best to find the joy in them.   Living them like they were the best gift I have ever received and truly feeling the enormous blessing they were meant to be.  While my eyes are set on eternity with my Lord I admit that I cherish the time fully rooted in this world he created.

 

This year has been difficult for our world as we face all we are accustomed to ripped from our hands and shredded. We dive for those pieces and do our best to put them back into that familiar shape we were used to while pushing our roots deeper into the place we find comfort.  We cry out when we realize we no longer have some of the pieces and have to figure out how to live in this new place that looks so unfamiliar and less than appealing.

 

In 2004 when cancer began shredding the body I live in and went after my family  I was near undone in my attempts to snatch up those pieces and put them back together.  They looked entirely different each time and I slowly came to realize things are meant to change, I was meant to change.

 

We are resilient, we are strong and we were created to change and do better with each new day we unwrap.  Today I will unwrap “sweet 16” and celebrate all that it means to me.  I will find time and be thankful for all the people God has surrounded me with to celebrate this journey and to help me live each day like the best day of my life.

 

Cheers to you Sweet 16,  may you continue to shine bright as you face 2020 head on!

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God bless you! And congratulations on your sweet 16! Love your blogs, they are so inspirational.
That’s amazing! Congratulations on sweet sixteen.
:)
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Vital Info

Posts

August 29, 2009

California

Cancer Info

Colon and Rectal Cancer

September 28, 2004

Stage 3C

4.1 - 5.0 cm

Yes

That affects more than just me.

That I have more strength than I ever imagined.

left with mild neuropothy, balance and memory issues

Cedar Sinai in Beverly Hills California

Exercise!!!!

Write things down, play memory games and games that make you think quickly

Since the first and 1 recurrence I have lived no evidence of disease

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